© 2016 Joseph W Crown
Proud Training Member of the American Alliance Of Hypnotists

So you found a potential play partner... What now?

December 6, 2017

 

The topic of how best to come together with another person is as frequently asked about as the questions that dance around how to meet people into what you're into. This piece is about communicating what's important to you and exploring the potential fit with someone or somebodies you want to get with in the lifestyle. In talking about this topic, the only way I know how to teach it is by sharing what's important to me and what I do. Your circumstances may be different than mine, but I invite you to use the parts of this that fit well with you. I encourage you to try it all out for a spin. 

 

So you have found someone who has some kinks, that's great. How do you transition into talking about what you want to do? The answer is pretty simple here. If you are being playful and fun with the conversation ask a tempting and teasing question that gets you talking about things you both will enjoy or at least close. If you are going from reading their profile to saying hello why not start with something about you? Say something interesting and take your lead from their profile, their behavior, and the feeling you want to convey. As you do this there should be respect and courtesy shown to your potential partner. Air on the side of respectful non judgemental communication for what they share even if things do not go as you like. This is the point you can capture and lead the imagination. You'll be sharing what you want and what you enjoy in the M/s experiences that attract you. They'll be doing the same and their experience, history, and values will be communicated through their stories. 

 

This is where looks matter 48% and their matched preferences paired with responsive enthusiasm are 52% of the equation. I get behind this math if a person is open for the experience, looking for more than just a pretty picture, and will give you their time and connection to establish a connection and vision for a potential encounter. There will always be someone more attractive and less attractive than you. A lot of attraction comes from how you make others feel and what you inspire them to express. I have had many interactions with people sharing only the face of a cartoon character. Trust me when I say what you say and how you say it matters a lot more than you think. 

 

When you make it past the sharing pictures, checking off the kinks list, and into stories that get at the ideals of exactly what you're both looking for; well, it's all up to you. You beat the math and stand a chance at getting beyond looks alone. How you present your experience, likes, and expectations will resonate or they won't. I call this the I like trucks and you like trucks moment. It is the shared interest and activity that is the foundation to explore everything else. Centered around the M/s dynamic is your chance to do a value elicitation if you really want to dive deep with the other person. 

 

Some words of advice. Do not treat a person who identifies as a sub, slave, property, etc., as less than if you both have not agreed to enter into that dynamic. Even if you are both into humiliation and degradation you should respectfully pace and lead into these areas. You can respectfully do this and pull back if the person isn't following you to that space. For example, if she/he says "Talking with you is giving me ideas." You can say something like this. "Talking like that can get you tied down and fucked." The response you get will allow you to know where to go from here. Then back off if her reply isn't sexual. Allow the person to come to you and demonstrate where they are. 

 

When to introduce the title of Sir into the mix should go off rapport you're getting in the conversation. If the person is new, or if you are unsure use the term as your guide for their feelings. Tell them that when they begin to feel submissive or when they feel it is appropriate to begin using it. Pay attention for the moment they do. At that point it is a matter of instructing them when to use it and making it part of the feedback you share as you're learning how best to fit together. 

 

As I meet people I want to get to know the person they are. I want to know what makes them happy, and what we have in common. There are people I'm interested in that we just have kink in common. We like the same things and fit together really good around that, but that's it. There are people that I have met that we have more social interests in common and less common kink. For me, there really has to be a balance in these areas so I'll consider a long term arrangement beyond M/s relationship. Working towards a common goal, and training them to fit within a larger role can also work. I will talk with the person and share with them a specific amount of time that we can be social or express ourselves as M/s. This is important because it sets aside time from other responsibilities and creates an expectation where both of us can be in the moment. This is about putting in the work, the time, and attention while things are new and exciting to establish a strong connection together. Its best to begin with structure and discipline as new skills can always be added to that. To start interjecting structure and discipline later in a relationship takes time learning these skills and time to unlearn the previous ways you've interacted. 

 

Often to figure out how well someone fits takes time and it takes interacting with our bodies, minds, and energy. There was a time I thought bad sex is still sex. That was good enough, but enough of that kind of sex gets old. It took having some very boring sex to realize that I needed more than sex to really be satisfied. That sentiment gets us into the focused dynamic of the potential relationship training you are inviting the person into. It is more than what is liked, desired, and pleasing. When teaching another to surrender I have to go first. The sub space and the dom space are as much energies as they are expressions of our nature. Everything we are sharing is pointing out what matters to us. 

 

I do not use safewords. I have seen people use them to put the responsibility of stopping an interaction onto the very person who is supposed to letting go and surrendering with the flow of events. As the Master, I am presenting new, repetitive, and at times overwhelming and overstimulating experiences. If I am training someone I will be working with that person enough to know what is going on with them without a safeword. The biggest offenders I have witnessed violating safewords and values of others tend to be those who preach safety first for everyone. If you would like to learn more about consent and these issues surrounding consent I suggest you begin your search here. https://www.ncsfreedom.org/component/k2/item/775-ncsf-newsletter-1st-quarter-2017#IRR This is an issue important enough that you do not want to just trust some one to tell you this is how it should be always. Some people are in the lifestyle just for the sex and don't care about your safeword. Training for an M/s relationship must have communication as part of its foundation. 

 

Communication and consent is important and necessary. When I talk about slavery, or being property, this is a consensual identity and choice. A slave or a submissive becomes an extension of myself and training someone often establishes a bond for life. They are tuned to me and I am tuned into them. That tuning process begins with consistent communication and if the word "No" is ever uttered that is a hard stop for all activities with that person. With me, an applicant which may be sub, slave, switch, toy, or property, learning that their communication with me is important and it is a resource that can immediately and positively affect their life. If there is something that they are unsure about it is their duty to ask for clarification in order to perform the task to the best of their abilities. If something feels weird or is uncomfortable in a way they are not sure about they are taught to bring my attention to it. It is my responsibility to ensure what is happening with them and redirect towards what I want. My role as the guide is to say all is as it should be or ask the applicant for additional feedback. As a Master I act as an extension of the applicant as much as they begin to take on the ability to become an extension of me. Where the experiences go depends a lot on the fit of the people involved and their responsiveness with each other. 

 

In your search for community and a partner, or partners, be good to each other. Be respectful, be dynamic, be curious, and be passionate. We are developing the life we want through our choices and shaping the expressions that activate harmony within ourselves. In these moments we can allow everything that isn't us to just fall away. Opening up with love, passion, and direction takes courage. It is not for everyone, and I would never want it to be. Embrace your weirdness and step out of routine. Reach out... I may invite you to take my hand to go on a journey that brings you to where your Masters are. To learn more about these topic and advance your skills in this area check out my book The Tao of Relationship Maintenance for Mind Controllers. Should you have any questions or concerns please reach out. 

 

 

Joseph W Crown
crownhouseone@gmail.com
 
Enjoy your toys and give the gift of Mind Control to those deserving few.
You can find The Tao of Relationship Maintenance for Mind Controllers live on amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/B01MPZQ7SL Paperback Version https://goo.gl/HJ1OUo  
 
Seek with your passion and seek with your spirit. We are all unknowing seekers who bring with us stories describing the past. To live with mind controllers you must be accepted as their tribe, learn their dance, and never forget that this is but another hat to wear.
 
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