Sexual fantasies are increasingly viewed as an essential component of a healthy relationship. Fantasies encourage and promote communication and the exploration of sexual pleasure between partners. Additionally, partners that share their sexual fantasizing tend to enjoy increased orgasm, arousal, and general contentment with their partners. These fantasies allow us to identify with and explore fulfilling desires that cannot always be realistically achieved. Individual scenarios leading to sexual fantasies vary greatly between people and are influenced by desires and real and imagined experiences, and can range from the mundane to the unusual. Fantasies are frequently used to escape real-life sexual restraints by imagining dangerous or taboo scenarios, such as rape, mind control, or kidnapping. They allow people to imagine themselves in roles they do not normally have, such as having power and control, unlimited wealth, attraction, and stamina, return to a state of innocence and enjoy being the villain to name just a few. Fantasies have enormous influence over sexual behavior, our attraction to others, and can be the sole cause of an orgasm. Every fantasy you or I have can be categorized into three categories which makes it easier to talk about and explore. These categories are Others, Innovation, and Power.
This category involves fantasies of group sex, threesomes and moresomes, celebrities, and the girl/guy next door. This category is on the focus of others irrespective of their role, gender, or species. Tentacle monsters, Furries, and ancient alien anal probes actually have a place here. Those last three would not be possible without a bit of innovation today which transitions us to our next category.
Innovation is having sex in new ways, like in public or using sex toys. Anything that is more than the simple missionary style sex falls under innovation. Utilizing tools like mind control, erotic hypnosis, virtual reality, all things vibrating, electrifying, and penetrating, and role play blossom here. I have barely scratched the surface of pervertibles for play here. Tools, toys, new places, and temptations lead us to the next category.
Power and control are themed aspects of interaction that everyone dabbles in. Whether they are surrendering, being forced, people are automatically obeying them, or the focus is on the control itself. Roles like Master/slave, Teacher/student, and even Hero/villain play. The tools, toys, techniques, and temptations are given form with thematic events and people. All this tension and response allows for unlimited expression that allows each person to discover themselves again and again.
As you can see each category leads back into the others. This overlap allows us to explore the boundaries of fantasy and desire. Simply because you have a fantasy does not mean that you are forever defined by it. In the same way that having a thought does not make that thought a defining characteristic of you. We can’t and won’t act on every thought we have and the same is true for fantasies. Many intimate partners share their fantasies to feel closer and gain more intimacy and trust, or simply to become more aroused. Fantasies have also be used as a part of sex therapy. For example, as a part of therapy, an anorgasmic woman (someone having difficulty orgasming with others and/or even through masturbation) are commonly encouraged to use fantasy and masturbation to retrain their subconscious and respond more fully to pleasure. Fantasy can enhance sensations, anticipation, and promote higher levels of sexual arousal and release. So, talk about those aspects of desire that draw you closer and those that shut your responses down. Despite the increasingly lax attitudes towards sexual fantasy in Western culture, many people still feel shame and guilt about their fantasies. This shame and guilt can contribute to personal sexual dysfunction, and lead to a decline in the quality of intimacy shared. Share all of yourself and if you can tap into a woman’s fantasies, then you can give her more pleasure than she ever thought possible. Talk about fantasies and you start guiding an experience that encourages a person to share all of themselves with you.
A special thank you to N'kash for the many images you've produced.
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